My Stepdad's Birthday

Today is my stepdad's birthday. If I were a good blipper, I'd find a better way, a better photo, to introduce the man who raised me. Right now I am all out of ideas and this will have to do. Honest, it's not about the photo. It's about the man, the father figure, who raised me to be a responsible, civilized human being.

I've never thought of him as "stepdad" because he was/is one of the many blessings of my life. When I was 7 1/2 years old, Mom married my stepdad. Previous to that he had never been married and had no children of his own. He loved children and was born to be a family man. A year and a half after they got married, Mom had a son, my little brother.

I've always said that Pops is the father that I was meant to have. I don't say that as any kind of a slam on my birth father, who also loved me, but knew nothing of what it meant to be a dad. My birth father was always grateful for the kind, compassionate, caring man that became my mom's second husband and the father of his two daughters.

When I was in elementary school my stepdad would cook breakfast for us every morning--eggs, bacon, toast or pancakes and sausage. Sometimes he would make German potato pancakes. We never left the house without a wholesome breakfast. He loved the kitchen and preparing food. He loved to grow a garden. He's 100% German and was born and raised in Milwaukee, Wisconsin.

He loved getting out of the city and I think he must have been one of the first to own an "over the cab" camper-truck. He and Mom would pack the three of us kids into the camper on weekends and head out to a nearby campground. From Friday evening until Sunday afternoon he was thrilled to be in a wilderness-type setting somewhere in the foothills or the mountains or at a nearby beach. We hadn't had the camper too long, when my folks joined a "camper club." On the camper club weekends, there would always be a potluck dinner and a campfire. Everyone had a great time.

One of the qualities my stepdad instilled in me is an appreciation for traveling. Several times we crossed the nation by car to visit my mom's parents in Georgia and his parents in Florida. One time when we were going to travel to Milwaukee during the Christmas holiday season, he realized we'd never make it by car/camper, so my parents made reservations on the train. It was a magical journey to travel two-plus days by train from Los Angeles to Chicago and then change trains and travel north to Milwaukee. I still love to travel through our nation to see all the places that are so different than the California that I've always lived in.

When Mom married my stepdad he owned a music store. I'm sure he had a lot to do with my love for music (but actually my birth father loved music and then I married a man who loves music). My stepdad taught me to play the accordian and even though in my younger days we thought the accordian was not very cool, I think learning that instrument gave me a little knowledge of music -- reading notes and keeping time; even though I probably could not do either now.

I've always known that it was devastating for my older sister and me when our parents divorced, but after I was married to Mr. Fun and we were expecting our second child, it was even more devastating when my mom told me that she was leaving my stepdad and they were divorcing. By that time they had moved several hundred miles from where we lived, so I was more than shocked when I was told.

So family relationships got even more complicated to explain to my friends and acquaintances -- I had two dads and my mom wasn't married to either of them. But that didn't change how I felt about my stepdad. He will always be the man who took care of me, raised me, supported me through the insecurities of childhood and the awkwardness of my youth. He loved me when I wasn't very lovely. I'm sure I disappointed him terribly when I got married at 15. He eventually got over it.

Today he is the only living parent that I have. I don't see him nearly often enough. He remarried a couple years after my mom divorced him. His second wife had three children. Then he and his wife had a daughter. When we go to visit, I am treated just like I am one of the blood-related family members.

What I know today and have known for years is that my stepdad brought a stability, a security, a wholeness to my life. He showed me how to respect God and nature and other humans. He made Christmas an enormous holiday in our home. I can still taste his homemade holiday candies--they were some kind of luscious lumps dipped in chocolate. Every holiday meal was an event to be celebrated with joy. He helped make the home I grew-up in a wonderful place to live.

So for many folks today might be "ground-hog day," but for me, it is Pops' birthday. This past Saturday I mailed him a card with a letter, so I know it was in his mailbox today. I'm so grateful for the stepdad who raised me like I was his own.

Good night from Southern California.
Rosie (& Mr. Fun), aka Carol

P.S. The photo includes our adult son.