Christmas colours...in August!

I couldn't be bothered with life for a lot of today. I had at least gone through the motions and taken a trip out to Cambourne with Rhoda.

I also saw a GP for medication matters. She was really sweet actually. She was saying how she worries about her patients at weekends. That must be hard for her, but it was lovely to know she actually cared. I hope she becomes a Christian so she can entrust those worries to God. Not that I manage that sort of thing always but being a Christian does massively help. I was saying that to Katherine this evening - I became dramatically better OCD wise when I became a Christian!

I actually felt fairly cheery towards the end of my time with Katherine, which was lovely.

We were looking at reasons for my depression. The book made the important point that it isn't just external conditions but how we respond internally to those conditions that determines whether they make us depressed (or contribute to it).

I thought my main contributors were:
-death
-OCD
-bad friends
-my university experience and getting a third
-uncertainty about the future, especially at the step from student to employee
-looking for care from the wrong places e.g. Lucy.

Katherine reminded me of the good hope I have in Jesus and that I need not be afraid of death anymore. I'm going to meditate on Psalm 23 for comfort 'surely your goodness and love will follow me all the days of my life, and I will dwell in the house of the Lord for ever.' (v6) ...'for ever' so even after death. Death isn't the end and it won't separate me from His goodness and love!

We also talked about the mercy God extends to us when relationships that aren't actually helpful to us break down. I am seeing more how it is good for me not to see Lucy anymore. I don't miss her as much.

I said something about it being easier to attach myself to a person who was physically there and talking to me. God doesn't always feel so loving as people around me (rationally I know that any goodness in these other people is actually giving me a glimpse of God's goodness and doesn't compare to His majesty and love). Katherine said immersing myself in Scripture will help with that and feeling God's love more.