Histon and cleaning

Rough night and tough day. I've just felt quite pathetic for a lot of it. I suspect the nights recently have been bad due to finally coming off the mirtazapine. Hopefully it will get easier. It does half make me feel bad for persuading the psychiatrist to let me come off it. It's not even like I've lost any weight yet which was probably one of the biggest reasons I had for wanting to come off it. The other reason was the bad dreams but they stopped when I had just reduced the dose.

My big aim for the day was to get ready for the inspection tomorrow. I had to force myself to keep going with the cleaning, taking lots of opportunities to lie down along the way.

At one point, as I was lying down I was thinking 'ok, fair enough, maybe I shouldn't work in a way that requires me to think much, but look how I just managed the cleaning - I could probably do something more physical'. Until I remembered the reason I was lying down... Another example of my brain not quite being with it.

At midday, feeling stressed by the lack of soap, I overcame the emotional barrier and sent myself out to the shops. Unfortunately the only soap they had has a very strong scent, but clean and smelly beats unclean any day.

For quite a bit of the day I have had this nervous feeling. It's not particularly pleasant.

I was pretty glad to be taken out to the park by Clare with her children. I felt a bit lousy still so didn't particularly make good company in my opinion (but Clare at least claimed to disagree). I picked up at the end, maybe thanks to a choc ice...

More cleaning. I did actually have a break to eat and play a game with Rhoda.

My room isn't spotless but I think it will do for the inspection.