Another day

This morning I went to meet Bibs and Amy in John Lewis. That was quite a nice time. I worried that Amy didn't like me though.

I didn't really want to go to Tyndale but didn't feel as bad about it as I could have done. I set myself the target of an hour and then I told myself I could go and relax and maybe play a game with Rhoda.

On my way I had a stressful conversation with someone which made me feel a bit harassed.

The hour at Tyndale was hard but could have been worse. In some ways it was the worry that I was coping too well with it that made it hard. I was definitely ready to leave after my hour though. I felt a bit like people didn't like me much.

I had thought I could pop in on someone who lives near. This made me a bit anxious, largely because I worried that an 'ill' person shouldn't be doing this.

Anyway, she wasn't in, but I bumped into my friend Liz and she invited me over for a cup of tea. That was nice but I was a bit scared by her observation that I was so much better.

I went home via doing a bit of shopping. Eek. Maybe I'm not too ill to work? Worry, worry.

I didn't want to face Rhoda though. I quickly went to bed when I got home.

I ate too much chocolate which made me feel rubbish and then made the mistake of reading the email I had sent Lucy and never got a reply back. I guess she is not going to reply. It all felt too horrible. Then life felt unmanageable. I didn't want to have to face people. I had a bit of a cry.

I was a weird mix of sad, scared, anxious and guilty (that I hadn't felt sad for long enough). I phoned Naomi. She said she would call back.

I waited. I began to feel fairly ill - I had a slight temperature and my heart rate was high.

I did eventually go and get supper but gave up on my plans to play a game.

I feel quite alone. I kind of know I am not making it easy for myself.