6000 chickens, 1 decision , 1 year

Should have been a straightforward day.

But a lorry crashed. It had 6000 chickens on it. It caused hours of traffic chaos, right at our junction.

What should have been a 45 minute journey to the hospital turned into 2 and a half hours.

Worth being over an our late as the nurse spent a long time talking to me, advising, wiping my tears and making a decision to take me off this vile medication. It's been suggested I go for counselling. It's been suggested I be referred to a pain management clinic. What I actually want is to know what is up with me, not to simply manage, or mask it, with painkillers that don't do anything except make me feel separate from myself. 2-8 weeks till the drugs get out of my system. The end of the hot flushes when that happens.

Home.

Wallowing in self pity and a heightened sense of feeling that I will never feel well again.

Went to sleep, cried a lot.

Missing my Nana - 1 year today since she passed and I feel her absence every day. I would have phoned her after a day like today.

Mum came round, as part of her northern visit. Was good to talk to her.

Feeling angry now. For no good reason. Want nothing more than to go and sit by the sea at Crosby and be somewhere I feel tied to my grandparents.

Can't do that as I am too tired. So I am looking into the bottom of a large glass of wine.

Maybe I do need counselling.