Day 135 - :(

Quite low but took myself out for a walk/jog (I am now a bit stressed as if don't recall it being especially hard to get myself out. Then again, it might have been the result if guilt about my fatness and eating too much chocolate. Again.). Still low. And painful! I enjoyed getting the photo though.

Probably a bit less low when I got back. Might even have had some fun for a bit on my iPad. Couldn't be bothered to go downstairs to get proper good though. Had it in my head that I would go down and play games with Rhoda but felt I needed some time first otherwise I feel like I am keeping myself busy too well or something. I don't think I make any sense.

I sent Rhoda a text suggesting a game at 3 so that would force me out of bed. I am quite pleased with my tactics there! Games were good but then after two hours I went back to my room. Soon I was very low indeed. I was glad to be going out to Christine's. I felt so grim. So hopeless and grey.

Being with Christine helped and I don't feel too bad now. Glad I have a busy day tomorrow including seeing Lizzie and I managed to get an appointment with the GP for the afternoon.

I'm worrying that there have been too many ok times to say I'm struggling. But let's think..
-I have definitely been bothered quite a few times by lowness/greyness
-there have been a number of times where things have felt unbearable
-I have done a lot of nice things where you would expect my mood to be better

Panic! Breathe..

I think I need to work on my ability to cope with others being low, certain relationships, the future and probably much more.