Day 134

Bit low in the morning but got up and ready in time to help look after baby Flora. I then went back to Clare's house. She lives out in a village surrounded by pretty countryside. My photo doesn't really do it justice. I helped a bit around the house and with her children but also sat and chatted quite a bit. I got a bit tired at times but mainly was pretty happy.

I got home and was happy to chat to my housemate for a while. But then I went and lay on my bed. That's when things changed and I became increasingly low. I think the trigger had been thinking about others around me who are low/learning that they were low.

I had to go out though quite soon after to help with the cooking at church. That proved to be a good distraction. I arrived flustered (and late) but all was ok.

Then it was leader meeting time. I got myself into a bit of a tizz and couldn't focus on much of what was being talked about. I was feeling agitated and had to stay in the room even when others had gone to eat as I couldn't quite cope with everything. I decided that staying for the prayer meeting would not be a good idea. I quickly ate and then went to see Bibs spontaneously.

It was good to see her and helped fill the emptiness I was feeling. I couldn't quite work out what had been going on in my head. Was I only in a state because I had told myself I was? But no, the prospect of tomorrow is daunting as nothing fixed to do before the evening. I had sort of said I would play some games with my housemate but then that made me worry about being able to cope with emptiness. What a curious mind I have...

I went home and felt pretty dire. Argh.