Day 131 - death has lost its sting

A mixture of fear and guilt, feeling quite productive but not wanting to face being 'well'. Hid in my room quite a bit.

Quite enjoyed myself in the afternoon whilst crocheting and watching iplayer in bed. Then played some games with family members. Struggled towards the end as I felt really ill and wanted to just go and lie in bed.

But, alas, I couldn't as it was time to go to the Royal Albert Hall for a concert. I soon felt better but was pretty subdued. It's like I am putting up these walls against my family. I don't want to do that, but at the same time, it's just so hard to allow myself to be open with them.

We were all seated separately but I had a lovely chat with the lady sitting next to me (instigated by her, of course). I had been pretty keen to sit on the end of a row and did struggle a bit with the fact I was in the middle and surrounded by people. In the end though, for most of the time, I wasn't very anxious.

I think concerts can often make me feel especially low. This one certainly would have done if I was still not a Christian. But thankfully, death has lost its sting to me now.