ECG

I walked along to the treatment centre this morning for my ECG. I was up early again so got there for 9.30; the opening time for the drop in clinic. 3 people were in front of me and I was taken at 10.10. Turns out my heart beats an extra beat every so often, but it has nothing to do with the tablets. Some people’s heart just does that. I asked if I could take a photo of the machine, felt very brave! So I can continue with the tablets, thank goodness.

I had planned to walk into town to buy a few baby things; I really wasn’t in the mood but forced myself. Stopped off at Café Nero for a pot of tea and watched the world go by. The bright day has not distracted me from my low mood and thoughts and the tears have never been far away. I walked round town in a daze and didn’t feel very safe, a few times had a bus beep at me. Sat for a bit in the Gardens then walked home.

Glad to be home, I closed all my curtains and collapsed on the sofa. I wasn’t in a good place and thought the safest thing was to take a diazepam and get some sleep.

Tonight I am doubling my dose of sleeping meds and will hopefully sleep longer, ready for my first CPN appointment. Slightly scared.