Henry's 5th Birthday

Our beautiful angel would have been celebrating his fifth birthday today. We want Toby and Eva to associate Henry's birthday with having some fun as that is what we would be doing if he was alive. It feels like we should do that in his memory. I don't think he would want us to be sad all day. So hard as it was, we planned a day out to Calke Abbey. He sent us some sunshine and despite all we had a nice day.

We visited Henry's grave beforehand to lay some lovely flowers. We choose some sunflowers amongst others. A happy flower. One of my favourites. But it was so hard being there today. Thinking back that this time five years ago we still thought everything was okay, even though by the morning of the 25th the cord had become tangled, his oxygen supply had been compromised and he was already brain damaged. We didn't know anything until he was delivered by emergency c section and I came round to be told by Mike that our beautiful baby was not going to make it. We didn't even have 24 hours with him. I held him all night and all the next morning until he passed away peacefully in my arms. I will never ever forget his little face. Kissing his little button nose over and over again, trying to memorise him to last my lifetime because his lifetime was only a moment.

I will never know why this had to happen to us. I will never understand the reason, if there was one. And I will never get over losing my baby. But I am so thankful that we had him. And I am so blessed to have Toby and Eva in my life. Without Henry I wouldn't have them.

Sweet dreams my little man. The brightest star in the sky. I love you more than I can say.


Henry Jack 25.02.2009 - 26.02.2009