Letting love in art journal page

Letting love in

My biggest challenge this year after the deceit I experienced last year is letting myself relax and be loved again, it's a constant challenge, constant pressure, constant monkey on my back BUT I'm determined not to let the pathetic behaviour of others ruin my future.

We all deceive at some point in our lives and I don't claim to be innocent in this as I play and have played my own part in that in many aspects of my life. Sometimes we claim to do it to protect others, sometimes because exposure to the truth in ourselves is too painful to face and sometimes cause we probably don't have the guts to ask for what we want from others as it may risk rejection. It's the last one that I find the most difficult to deal with both from my own person and definitely from others.

A couple of years ago I was subject to a deceit that was illegal, utterly bad taste and potentially dangerous for me, it was the worse kind as it was backed up by claimed feelings of love and desperation and it resulted in a marriage that was both legally and morally wrong, and a lot of heartache and embarrassment for me and others around me.

Luckily for me that person underestimated me, underestimated my independence, my intelligence and my persistence to find out the truth. He thought I was the fool he was and is and although I lost a few things, I didn't make a full set of mistakes which could have changed my life forever and not in a positive way!

Two years later he still claims to have not deceived me, even though his family members have told me the truth, still claims to be an honest man, an upstanding pillar of the community and yet he is a lower than low piece of excrement which now I wouldn't even step in.

I still hold some anger (in case you haven't noticed) but it's fading and I have forgiven myself for making the mistakes of having faith in someone and now I can move forward and have a happy life.

I'm back to letting love in ......and all is well and calm once more