Day 54

I felt pretty lousy in the morning but then slept some more. I think I felt a bit better after that but I can't really remember how long that lasted. I cycled to Helen's but that was a massive struggle. I worried quite a lot that I was going to give her some bug and it might really harm her as she is immunosuppressed. I felt nervous the whole time I was there but I wasn't entirely sure why. Maybe partly because I needed to see my college friends afterwards and I wasn't sure how things would work out? Not sure. I think I felt fairly alright once with the college friends. Cycling to see them I felt a bit vulnerable and like I needed to be kept distracted from being depressed.

I can't do mood ratings today.

One thing on my mind has been that I just don't have the room in my head to keep in touch with certain people. It's too hard. Sometimes I desperately want to help my students and my bible study group but times like today, I just don't have the emotional room to. I can't quite work out how to deal with that. But I will think about that another time...