Today

Went to 2 of my aunt's homes with my dad today..

My 3rd aunt's not looking too well.. the doc told her that the cancer cells has spread to her lungs and she needs to go for another round of chemo.. I think it's about a year since she was diagnosed with this cancer. She had an operation to remove her womb, and had gone through a round of chemo, and later radiation.. yet the blastered cancer cells persists..

In the earlier months, she looked quite good, was able to move around, continued to cook, do a bit of chores and even play with her granddaughter.. but today she told me that she's feeling weaker. She's unable to eat much now, keeps on coughing, and have to lie down every 10-15 minutes. "I know my own body," she said, "it's only a matter of time". Loss for words, I only managed a "hey.. so are we", to which she managed a tired smile..

I didn't know what else to say..

Pls, do pray for my aunt.

Like my mum, and her sisters, this aunt of mine is quite a fighter. Even more so in the sense that she has battled cancer before-- breast cancer to be exact-- and overcame it. That was about 20+ years ago I think.. but now..

I don't know what to think.
Denial?
I don't dare to think.
But I have to
I want to
I want to be able to at least help her
get some piece of mind, or comfort.
How?
I really don't know except..
I will pray for it.

For now I think I'm just blocking it away so I can continue with my responsibilities. Too many things on the mind.. gotta tie up loose strings here and there, in the hope of seeing things more comprehensively..

I've been coughing like there's no tomorrow.. a pack of lozenges and two spoons of syrup doesn't seem to do the job today.. like waiting for my throat to inflame and lungs to burst out of the ribcage..

In all sense of it,
I need to..
Breathe
..and rest for awhile tonight.