A new phone app...

After yesterday's outstanding success with 'Mapmytum,' the new can't be without phone app for Christmas, I am delighted to release yet another vital phone app to help you all at this delightful Christmas time. It's called 'Mapmybum' and whilst it's general direction of assistance is similar to the support you will get from 'Mapmytum,' this new app is designed specifically at your arse area.

I don't think you can underestimate the importance of concentrating on the derrière. The top and bottom of it is that to get this vital body part neglected, well you are throwing caution away to the wind... (I once threw my caution to the wind but they still sent it again....)

Anyway back to matters of the arse. I read once that they way to a ladies heart and therefore other areas was through roses. This has nothing to do with my new phone app but it's an interesting fact, probably started by a fellow in the rose business.

So, my new app will measure the growth of your bum over the festive season. Once a growth of 10% has been achieved, your phone will on the hour and every hour play the song 'Hey fatty bum bum' to you until you drop below this figure or you turn off you phone....

Other features of my new phone app are so secret that I don't even know what they are but one of the designers (Hobbes) has told me cat food is not involved.

The new app costs $2 unless you use the secret word which is ARSE.

Have the best of days,

A X