Forget that 'seek and ye shall find' baloney!

'Seek and ye shall find?' You have got to be joking! I have, correction, I had a really nice comfy grip pen that I really liked. It even had the grippy bits in exactly the right place and the shaft was just thick enough so you had something to hold properly. It even made my writing look like less like an inky spider had crawled across the page. Anyway, a few weeks ago, I lost the top. I searched everywhere without any success. I still used the pen but with no top. I even tried other tops but they just wouldn't fit right. It was drying out and I was getting covered in ink every time I fiddled with it.

This morning, sadly, I consigned it to the dustbin. It was dumped without ceremony on top of yesterday's potato peelings and I threw out unused chopped onions and a tub of cheese spread which was starting to walk about on its own.

Anyway, I sat on the settee this morning eating sugar puffs and slurping tea while watching drivel about tonight's big event - Doctor Who - and I could feel something sharp digging into my arse behind through my jeans. I shuffled about a bit, too lazy to stand up but eventually I gave up, put my bowl down and stood up.

You will never guess! I'd been sitting on Bony's claymore kilt pin which I'd borrowed to stick on a jacket last week! It was really a brooch rather than a kilt pin anyway. I bet you thought I was going to say I'd found my pen top.

Well, I did find that this morning in the bottom of my suitcase half an hour after I'd slung my pen. Bloody typical I say!

The moral of this story is that there is no such thing as a happy ending. To find one thing, you often need to lose something else. You can probably only find true happiness when you have lost your marbles.

Track? Let's have some Red Hot Chilli Pipers as I am in the right country again - Clocks