Memories

Sad day today.  I was listening to Classic FM on the way to the gym  (usually Talk Radio but that is a bit doom and gloom)........ and they played part of Swan Lake (why can Classic FM play music by Tchaikovsky but LC don't?!).  It bought back memories of all the times Aimee and I had been to the ballet (picture today is when No.2 joined us for a drink before hand).  I also remembered our last trip in January 2024 when we saw Giselle.  We caught the train home and I asked Aimee if she was ok to run as we had two or three minutes before the train left...........ok for me but for Aimee battling a brain tumour it was probably too much and she fell over.  I felt awful but she brushed it off (in her usual stoic way).  So many memories and so much sadness.

It didn't stop - I spotted a girl on the way home wearing a beautiful yellow dress and recalled the way Aimee looked in an almost identical dress at her Prom.  Floods of tears and feeling so sad.  

Today is also MIL's birthday - 91 years old.  How can that be fair?  I know she would have traded places with Aimee but that is the stuff of science fiction and doesn't happen but it made it doubly hard today.  

I wanted to talk to someone but didn't know who?  No.2 is great but I don't like to burden him, my sister is good too but she works on Friday.......... so I text James and he sort of understood.  He is very wise and offered calm counsel but ................ 

So I had cried myself out by lunchtime and when OH came home I had made tomato sauce with the tomatoes which have ripened, made cakes and finished the card for MIL.  I had told him I would visit the care home with him and although I didn't want to go, didn't want to let him down.

We went, it was ok, it was sad, she is bored, fed up, confused and let down that her promised birthday lunch didn't appear!  I MUST try to be more kind towards her.  It is not her fault that she lived almost 30 years longer than my own mum and 60 years longer than Aimee.  

Day done.