The Eagle.

I spent a large portion of today trying to apply for an increase in attendance allowance for The Old Lady. It comes in two sizes, medium and large - unless you're the recipient, in which case they're small and medium. I knew that she was already receiving the small size but, having moved into a care home, she automatically qualifies for the medium (in this case the "automatically" means that if you apply, you get it).
I spent hours on the internet answering questions like, "Is your 101 year-old mother pregnant?" Eventually, not having reached any useful conclusion I phoned up a nice young lady (here I'm making a few assumptions) who told me I'd dialled the wrong number, she gave me the right one but, like the unicorn, it was a discontinued line*. Finally, I spoke to another lady who informed me that TOL was already receiving the maximum allowance.
I wonder if they've thought of making the first question, "What is her National Insurance number?" They could then have responded with useful information such as which allowances she already receives.

After that I went out and purchased the strongest pair of "off the shelf" reading glasses available. They were magic, with them TOL could read large print, it was slow and difficult but she could do it. I've tried for many years to persuade her to try such things but she's insisted on buying them from her optician (otherwise she might damage her eyes(?)); unfortunately most opticians don't have personal knowledge of the problems of age related eye conditions and don't realise what can be done for those that do.
There's a shortage of specialists who can advise little old ladies how to make the most of what they have left.

The blip is of one of TOL’s wall decorations, I know nothing of its provenance but young Wolfie has put his name on it.

* There is a poem in which Noah pleads, "Lord, thou canst not get unicorns for love nor money, they are a discontinued line." I have a record of Judi Dench reading it.