Kaleidoscope

“Muted echoes at the end of a long day.”
A quiet kaleidoscope — soft shadows, symmetry, and a centre that feels like a breath taken in stillness.
No filters, just today’s mood....




And this is the description of my day...I still need to proofread it, so be patient with me while I correct any silly mistakes, please...I don't have the energy to write a more polished version...I wrote this while I was at the hospital as the day was progressing and then finished it after I had a long sleep after I got home,,,


My day today...
I had my hospital eye appointment.. cataract post op went very well. Perfect vision in new cataract eye. Near perfect vision in the old cataract eye.
But I was still offered a new cataract for that eye. They were pressuring me to get the other eye done.

I said why, even though it was near perfect vision. But he evaded the question saying they were willing to put me on the op list right now.

I was steeling myself not to be pressurised into something I was not sure of. But he was still pressuring me.
However if that other eye needs doing, I would want it done at the same place. So how do I keep in contact with this particular specialist.
With that in mind I negotiated an appointment with him for 6 months time and I said we would talk about it again.
He agreed. But he definitely wants me to say yes

As I was leaving, the specialist told me to sit down again, and he wanted to look in my eyes. He said he had just noticed something in my old cataract eye, and wanted me to have a scan, but alas the scan machine has broken down ( but he's saying that he wanted me to sit down while he looked in my eye again felt to me a bit like an afterthought).
It will take a couple of hours to bring in a working scan machine in time for afternoon appointments and so I said I would wait. The nurse felt sorry for me and brought me a lovely egg sandwich.

So that is where I am with this at the moment.

I was writing all of this as the day progressed.

It is the cost of petrol, the time it takes etc etc to come back. I can write notes and emails on my phone in this time...

How do you think I have done... ?
So far...

EDIT: By the was the post op cataract check was very simple. Took virtually no time at all.
It is just the interminable waiting for an hospital appointment.
First he looked in my eyes, then a pressure check.
Then random lines of letters I had to read on the screen.

That was it, less than 4 mins.

I don't know what the specialist thought he saw in my old cataract eye. But unless I had this checkup, something could have gone missed...

Oh well can't have you passing out a passing nurse has just said this minute...and she came back with a tuna sandwich and a cuppa...


I then wrote the rest after I had got home...

I waited another couple of hours , and during that time another nurse came along and said you're waiting a long time we can't have you passing out. You must have something to eat. I am sure I didn't look that bad. And she brought me a tuna sandwich and a hot cup of tea. It was very welcome.

So a different specialist, the head man called me in this time and said he's very sorry and that they couldn't get the machine working or new one hadn't come in yet ...

And then he was pushing it very hard for me to have the cataract operation on my second eye, and I said well why are you pushing this? And he said well don't you want perfect vision? I can give you perfect vision in that eye. And I'm thinking those are big promises from anyone. I said no not at this moment of time, and I said to the other gentleman that he would send me, and he agreed that he would send me a an appointment for six months time and we will discuss it then.

So the main specialist said we are going to send for you in four months (so now I have lost two months of my thinking consideration time on this). And he immediately launches in well I can put you down for the cataract operation now. And I said that's not what I agreed to, but since you're going to send me an appointment in four months time I will now agree to that appointment in four months time and we discuss it then. I've never seen anybody so disappointed..

I feel like he wants bodies on the tables in the operating theatre show what a successful surgeon he is and how many operations his team does et cetera et cetera and I'm sure it's about figures and funding .

So I said to cap what we agreed to, was an appointment letter for 4 months time, and he was going to discuss it again with me about having the other eye done with a new cataract, and I said well where does this scan fit in that you cannot do today? Oh, it's nothing to worry about he said. It's just the other man saw us in your eye and want to investigate it further. And I said what was it he wanted to to investigate further.. nothing to worry about came the reply from the specialist.

Now I remembered that the other man had said that it was a nerve ending in my left eye on the left side at the back of the eye . So I repeated that to the main specialist. And I said I presume that is what you were looking at. Why are you looking at it? He said at that point, the main specialist, that he wanted to keep an eye on it to see if it changed but it was alright because the other gentleman had written the report what he could see with his naked eye. And they would take that scan in four months time.

He is determined, I'm going to have that cataract operation on the other eye.
I can't remember if I've said, I am sure I did that on the eye that had the cataract operation couple of months ago is absolutely perfect 20/10 vision no need for glasses whatsoever for the operation today. The specialist said that.

But the eye that was not operated on only (!!!!!) has 20/20 vision I think it's always been like this. So that is pretty good eyesight anyway and I said that to the specialist and he put his elbows on his knees I think, and leaned forward, but don't you want perfect vision in both eyes he said. Who wouldn't want perfect vision in both eyes? He said.

My thought about this is why risk something, because all operations are a risk at the end of the day when you've got something that's pretty good anyway . Specialist did not agree with me and wanted me to have that eye done then I would have absolutely perfect vision he said. And my head is saying no one can promise that, but I didn't say that back to him.

When I got home, I was absolutely exhausted and I crashed out on the couch for four hours .

Oh by the way, there were no seats with the other patients in the waiting room, but there was a seat at the end of a long corridor so I was told to sit on that . Now, I don't know if you can understand this, but sometimes I cannot pick up anything in my immediate surroundings to hear but due to some sort of quirk or I don't know what to call it. Speech comes into it from somewhere which I cannot see. And I was sat outside the specialist room, but I did not know that then. And I could hear all conversations in that room 100% clearly. With every patient he saw, and he saw a few in that two hour span while I was waiting.. i'm looking all around the walls. I'm looking at the door which was closed and I'm thinking how is my Cochlear processor receiving words very clearly, said from what is in the room, it must've picked up on some sort of transmission of some sort from the room, or maybe stuff was recorded in the room that we don't know about. And I was picking up a microphone of some sort. It had to be. Maybe there is a hearing loop for deaf people in the room, and I was naturally picking up that transmission on my cochlear hearing processor because it automatically does that to pick up things on a hearing loop or if there is a Bluetooth transmission going on. Anyway, the point in me saying this is every patient he saw he was telling them that they needed a cataract operation whether the second one or what I don't know, but he was telling them they needed a cataract operation and they needed it now, and every patient he saw said no They did not want it now. Their ages ranged from younger people in their 30's say, and one old lady who looked in her late 80s and she could barely walk but she firmly said that she did not want the cataract operation right now, and that she wanted to wait until she was ready. She had her two daughters with her to help her walk because she was not very steady on her feet, but she had a very alert mind. I saw her as she came out with her daughters. And her daughters were saying to the specialist, don't worry, we'll have a word with mum. We'll make sure that she comes to get the cataract done. And the old lady saying no.

The more you try and persuade somebody that, more they dig their heels in.

It was interesting being privy those conversations for a couple of hours. I don't know quite how the Cochlear hearing processor was picking it up. But I have picked up things from hearing loops from the next room because the wire, I presume, has been built into the wall of the room and I am sat in the corridor right next to that wall , and it can be quite interesting....