Meltdown

Had a little meltdown yesterday, I don't know exactly where it came from, well I do as I think I've had a lot of things on my mind for weeks. Most of it revolves around me not really integrating as much as I should/could, but then again after 27 years you'd think people would be more accepting and would perhaps open the door a little to me? Not just local people, but my family in law, who can be challenging for me. We seem to be on different planets.

In a way I resent how my wife has always been put on a pedestal and I'm just the person who happened to be her boyfriend / these days, husband. Everything has always been around her and I'm just "there". So over the last few years I have stopped going to family gatherings. Of course, in particular, my elder BIL seems to think that the break in relations is my fault. In short some of my family in law live a blinkered and blameless existance. Which I don't really appreciate. My opinions don't really count for much anyway, there is this tendency for some of my family in law to go on the defensive if I utter an opinion where I'm not happy about something. So in short I just give up.

Anyway, the meltdown came from me waiting for my wife to move the car away from in front of our gate (some distance from the house), so I could move the van from our garage to the house next door. So I sat there waiting in the cab, then a neighbour came to talk to her and they went off into long conversation. My reaction was to get out of my van in a strop and head back into the house to wait until they'd finished.
About 10 mins or so later, my wife came back into the house and realised I wasn't in the best of moods.
The neighbour doesn't talk to me if I'm ever going out in the van (see people putting my wife on a pedestal above), so that usually annoys me. The fact she is treated by others, in a different way to me and I really don't know why...

Anyway, I cooled off and moved the van next door and gave it a much needed Karchering.

This afternoon I'm back to planning lessons again, it has taken me a while to get on with things. As we approach the school holidays, I'll have two students on Saturday then 2 next Monday evening. Then that's it  until the 9th November. I think I just need a break from lessons.