Heart Ache

I am functioning on very little sleep and forcing myself to stay awake to try to beat the jetlag. Prepare yourselves that this might be a slightly emotional Blip. I've got some new music for you. I owe all the thanks to my friend JK. My favorite it Right as Rain by Quebec Antique and my second favorite is About Today by the National. It was my soundtrack in Bermuda, and seems to have worked its way back to Berlin.

The flight was miserable. The trip was incredible. You can read the plane ride musings here.

My heart is feeling weak. I am not sure about much right now. Except the right things, those I have in place. So I am going to cling to simplicity and structure and let the rest work itself out. But I am teary and feeling so achey for my family. I can think of few other times in my life that I have so desperately wanted to be held.

This trip was so different than what I expected. What's going on internally is so different than what I expected. Life, so full of brilliant surprises.

I told myself that I would not post another self portrait, this Blip is beginning to look like my head shots home page... but I couldn't resist. When I returned to Boston from Bermuda my best friends (the ones I was in Lebanon with) had sent me a care package with coffee from my favorite little coffee shop in Waco and to my absolute delight, they also sent two bottles of Shiner. Which of course immediately led me to think of one of my dearest Blip friends.

So here I am, precisely as I feel. If I can make it to ten tonight I am going to make it. It will be good to be in a familiar bed, with clothes not in my suitcase, it will be hard to be in a different time zone. Berlin suddenly feels a bit lonely again, and I am just not sure how that happened.

Oh yeah - for those of you who have been confused, all the back Blips are up. Enjoy. Not much text. I am obviously really struggling for words and how much should be public and what should be private. I am not sure how subject you guys should be to the violent ebbs and flows of my emotions these days!!!