Ida and Bunty - an Update

Ida:  Cheer up – if you’re lucky he might no comeback.
 
Bunty:  Well, I couldn’t help but notice he had his balaclava on back to front.  And he was wearing odd socks, but they weren’t on his feet.  Stark bollock naked too.  I niver thought the Minister would stoop so low to increase the congregation.  It’ll no even mak the Press and Journal.
 
Ida:  How did your Davie react?
 
Bunty:  I don’t really ken.  He’s been spending an owerlong spell in the doonstairs cludgie. 
 
Isa:  Ooooh – exactly hoo long?
 
Bunty:  I last seen him on Palm Sunday.  He’s in there with his hand held device.  I slide an occasional waffer thin sandwich under the door.  And the Sunday supplements.  He’s only coming oot at night.
 
Ida:  Does he disturb the parrot?
 
Bunty:  Nivir mind the bloody parrot; Agnes Flett texted me to say she’s got a new toy boy.
 
Ida:  The Jezabel – that’s no surprise.  Not that I’m envious.  What age this time ?
 
Bunty:  She didnae say; no doot she’s waiting for his scrotum to drop.
 
Ida:  Well you take my Stan; I’ll have him wrapped for you.  Of all the depraved things I’ve had to put up with, I caught him the other night in the kitchen straining his vegetables.
 
Bunty:  Surely no!  That’s way too cerebral for me.
 
Ida:  It’s at times like that when I realise it’s just one of his foibles, through his one true window to his internal reality, he’s trying to live it out as a representation of his world.  He feels he exists independently of the forms of principle of sufficient reason that governs them as representation.  He surely feels he’s precluded from direct knowledge of the Kantian noumenon.  Standing at the sink he may gain knowledge of the noumenon to a certain extent.  Obviously for Kant the noumenon was utterly unknowable.
 
Bunty:  If I only ken one thing in life it’s this.  Dinnae be trusting her at No 6.  She’s aye going on about Schopenhauer this and Schopenhauer that.  But nivir trust a woman who has a bottle of broon sauce permanently on display on her scullery table.  And I am unanimous on that. 
 
Ida:  Do you think Schopenhauer would have recycled ?
 
Bunty:  What, his thoughts ?
 
Ida: She telt me she wis going to bingo with Mungo and takan Daniel her spaniel.
 
Bunty:  I kent it.  My Django likes a mango.
 
Ida:  When you go to bed at night do you read?
 
Bunty:  I can’t get doon wi’oot me Isaac Asimov, failing that my Tom Stoppard recipe book.
 
Ida:  Does Stan still like to, ye ken, get romantic ?
 
Bunty:  Well, you tell me……………………..
 
Frenzied slapping  of handbags ensued, rolling on the floor, trays clattering everywhere, cutlery upset amid applauding cruise liner passengers.
 
Tickets now now on sale for the rematch.