I can’t go out this Friday. I have been booked to see a magic show with Caro.

Yes, a magic show. I effing hate magic.

If you had let me know about The Lady Boys of Bangkok while on holiday, this unpleasantness could have been avoided.

Not to blame you or anything, but it is all your fault.

I hope you had a lovely two weeks of going to the shops in your pyjamas and eating last night’s takeout for breakfast.

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