I am going to Shetland tomorrow and will not return until Wednesday next week.

I am going to have a hangover that will last me the remainder of the week.

Caro’s cousin Helen messaged to ask if I liked to watch boxing, as her husband and his mates are gathering at the pub one night to watch the big match.

I replied that I have seen Rockies 1 through to 6, which seems to qualify me.

Caro seemed surprised at my enthusiasm, but I enjoy Gary’s company and I can tolerate sport if I’m allowed to drink and the rules are uncomplicated.

I believe in boxing you win by hitting the other chap in the face more than he hits you.

Also, you are not allowed to hit the goolies.

I can just about handle that.

Gonna fly nooooowwww.

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You don’t even have to watch the boxing.

You can just drink through it.

I hope you have a good time in Shetland and have at least retained bowel function by the end of your visit.