The greatest love of all.

This is a rant about children. I apologise upfront to those who may take offence.
But as a childless person, my opinion isn't as valued as yours anyway, so who cares.
I know they are our fucking future. I do. Well, they might be your future, but they're not mine. But by fuck they are my present. Having breakfast this morning was just lovely. There was a child with fancy parents, who were happy to let the said child scream and shout, the waitress tried to calm her down with a little box of crayons, papa tried to ask the little girl to say 'thank you'. No fucking chance. Not even when he 'threatened' no treats til lunchtime. What? Fuck's sake. My parents would have beaten me to death twice for even thinking I was allowed out of my box. In fact they once stapled my face to a fence for thinking I had a name. Luckily it was my birthday, it could have been much worse. I know kids are the most wonderful gift I fucking do. I also love the way it means any parent can take random days off work/work from home till the nanny gets back from skiing in Lausanne because Tamara or Quentin have got a sports day / pretend measles/ the ballet class was brought forward/ was upset by the colour blue today. Actually, I don't mind this. I know that life is random, and stuff happens. I just mind that if my boiler goes kaput/neighbour is locked out/ friend is ill/cat has died/boyfriend has caught his knob in a mousetrap, it isn't the same. Oh fucking Christ no. I need permission from Obama to even have a shit. But a person with a child is allowed to shit in a client's mouth and make them wear a funny hat.
Ok, I'm going for a lie down now.