The beauty of the rose

I had such a bad night Friday/sat. I woke up around 2:30 and lay in bed with my head churning about stuff I should have done. Why???? As the nurse told me it’s destructive irrational thoughts that lead down a black hole. I got up about an hour later and then sat and read some texts from my mums I pad between her and my daughter. As like mine they were full of fun stuff and gratitude and ‘wrong ‘person’. Sometimes she did that thinking replying to someone different then ‘pass it on to …… too long to write again’.

Went back to bed around 5:30. Grief is a lonely place during the night.

I stayed in bed till around 10. S brought me tea and croissant in bed. Had a shower and washed hair. Felt a bit more human.

We went to the flat and cancelled mums virgin phone tv and Internet package. Sat a wee while there and cleared some stuff. Not much. We are a bit half hearted. We have till 22 august for it to be cleared.

Came home and ate lasagne and chips . Lasagne courtesy of Polegata the bread shop. Delish. First proper meal in ages. Spoke to my friend Gail in Whitley Bay. It was a long call and we laughed and cried she knew mum and dad very well. And she lost her mum and dad many years ago.

Flowers were from my lovely next door neighbour Cheryl.