Temptations

When you are told not to eat or drink after 10pm, except for water, suddenly the urge to drink tea, or wine, and to eat ANYTHING AT ALL becomes quite hard to bear.

Infernal tests. Tomorrow morning back at the Doctors for blood tests and other bits.

However, today might have been a milestone in some respects, although I am afraid to speak too soon. I have slept, undisturbed, for the last 3 nights (since Nanas funeral) and have clocked up about 12 hours each night. Granted that means I have not arisen from the pit till midday, but I need to sleep to heal, so sleep I will.

I have also managed 40 minutes of gentle cycling on the exercise bike, for the second day. I actually wanted to do it today as I felt better for it yesterday.

My mood has improved and I am starting to look forward a little. Contemplating challenges that lie ahead in terms of work, of getting fit and losing a bit of weight, of getting my life back.

Most importantly, today has been quite possibly the first day in over two years where pain hasn't been my sole focus. Granted, I do still have some pain, and it is possible that may stay with me and I will have to learn to live with it. But, it is nothing compared to my pre-op pain and perhaps marks a turning point that I have not had my mind constantly returning to it all day.

I know, baby steps. Do not run before walking. I have to accept that I am still healing and that if I think I am miraculously fixed, I will fall down, no doubt. My body reminds me of this when I try to do more than I am able...the physical need to sleep is sometimes overwhelming. But, my mind is moving to somewhere much more positive I think, and therefore half of my battle is won.

I might need to eat my words tomorrow! Haha.