Meantime - above a Pet Shop in Carluke*

Blanche:  Desmond!  What on earth ?  I’ve seen everything noo.
 
Desmond:  But don’t you realise whit day it is ?
 
Blanche:  At a guess I’d say Friday.
 
Desmond:  (Bitterly disappointed) But it’s our anniversary.  Bear in mind I’m 63 years older – mind on don’t take a run up. And don’t bounce on my roly poly.
 
Blanche:  You realise of course, not that she’d say anything to you, but your pal Olivia, at the Library thinks you walk like a Peregrine.  If she could see you now she may change her mind to a Cockatoo.
 
Desmond:  There’s dust under that pelmet.   Anyway can’t you see I’m limbering up for the big one ?
 
Blanche:  The big one ?  Dessie dear please explain.
 
Desmond:  Well, me and the boys will be first in the queue at Forthbank Stadium for the challenge from Dumbarton the morn.  It’s a must win.  Rumour is that Tweedy may play.
 
Blanche:  I met Evadne this afternoon, at the bandstand.  She’s lost Dizzy her chihuahua. Have you heard about Scullion ?
 
Desmond:  You mean the incident in the broom cupboard?
 
Blanche:  The very same
 
Desmond:  No.  And don’t spoil it for me.
 
Blanche:  There wis a spider in the bath earlier.  I had real trouble getting in to help it oot.
 
Desmond:  Why didn’t it take a shooer ?
 
Blanche:  Dessie, dearest,   whit’s happened to your tattoo ?
 
Desmond:  You mean Krakatoa ?  Well, I went in past to see Big Aggie – she has a blow torch noo.  It was for her golden wedding.
 
*Many thanks to Blanche for faxing me through her etching.