The Procurator Fiscal is Investigating.....

The meeting began with a one minute silence for Mr Sinclair who had fallen off his wardrobe. He was wearing odd socks.  His wife reported the condition of his wallet as satisfactory.

No-one was aware of Mrs Doris Johnston's ventriloqual skills, but, through the chair, she asked Mrs Eunson if she had any Velcro.

Yes.

So hopefully you'll be sticking to the Agenda came the acerbic retort.

Under 'Apologies' Mr McGowan had texted to say Eunice wouldn't be available as she had accidentally sat on one of his suppositories.  Although she tittered, Mrs Jonhston said she hoped that the meeting wouldn't be overcome by silliness again.

Under Item 14b 'Sponsored Silence' all hell let loose when, with a contralto deafening scream, Terrence McGawkie was nearly launched into space.   Gillian Groat had stuck a hatpin into his behind.  It took quite a while before folk gathered their composure.  Only Gillian Groat knew this had been at TM's request.  The Chair asked Mr McGawkie if he had a point.

Under Item 19 'Gutter cleaning of Annex' Mrs Clouston concluded her diatribe by saying 'Anyway my Bert's on nights'.  It didn't go unnoticed that she winked at Erland McGawkie (no relation).

During the break Mrs Ferguson passed around a selection of her fancies.  Glances were exchanged when it was noted a few of them had teeth marks.  Local dental assistant Donna Harcus was sure one was the downbite of Mr Peterson at No 42.

In section 19b of the Agenda 'Ecstatic Experiences' Mrs Isbister reported she had felt the earth move at 07.33 that morning.  After eyebrows had returned to nature's predetermined positions, she explained Erik Sinclair was using his JCB to dig out her septic tank.

Enid Robertson stood up and apologised; she'd have to go home and tend to her cumquat.  There was restrained giggling.

It was minuted that three bags of toffees were being passed round.

Ms Baxter, the Beedle's daughter, spilled her cup of Darjeeling all over Rev Monteith's nether region.      In the frantic mopping up Mrs Prentice noticed that the Rev Monteith tried to discretely hand back an earing to Ms Baxter.  It wasn't minuted but a'body soon kent all aboot it. 

Willie Linklater had brought along his whippet Andy.  Some folk present thought Andy had more nous than his owner.  In a show of hands, regarding the away day to Dounreay, Andy raised his paw.

Enid Spence said she had been watching the snooker on TV and Big Boy Watt had split his breeks.  When he attempted a tricky shot, with his leg on the cushion, she said it was the first time she had seen three pinks on the table at the same time.

Inevitably the McGawkie brothers arrived late. Erik explained that just before entering a seagull had shat in Willie's eye.  Mrs Linklater offered him a tissue but he said 'No, don't bother, it'll be miles away by noo'.

In intimations, on behalf of the SWRI, Mrs Hay indicated there would be a talk on Blipfoto next week.  Clothes would be optional.

The date of the next meeting will be intimated in the Pig Breeding Gazette and the Dounby Bugle.