Stripy flowers

Photo is of some pretty flowers near the war memorial round here. If you want to stay on the positive, finish reading here.

The more therapy I have, the more I realise it's the people around me who need the help more than me. The problem isn't all me but still I blame myself.

Work is bringing me down. I know it tends to do that but it's got much worse for me in the past 6 months than it was before. I feel I am putting so much in and getting nothing back. I'm trying my best but other people's laziness and incompetence are thwarting me at every stage. The communication has always been poor but does seem to be getting worse. I am discovering important changes have been made because I see something that doesn't look right. Because of the layout of the office I sit facing a wall with the rest of my team together behind me, facing the other way. It's hard to feel included. I have no idea when I want to ask one of them a question how they are likely to react because I don't know how their day is going or whether they are busy with something. I feel like I've been put in the naughty corner. My anxiety has definitely been worse and I've been a lot less happy at work since the desk move. But I don't feel comfortable explaining all this because somebody has to sit facing the wall.

I feel totally powerless to change anything and am just muddling along getting increasingly frustrated and doing nothing about it. I think I may be in another situation where counselling won't really help much as it doesn't address the main issue which is that I'm in a negative situation that's not doing me any good. But if I left I think I'd feel worse because I wouldn't have an income. As for changing jobs, I don't feel I have the confidence and don't want to commute far.

I saw the counsellor. I have found before that the initial assessment session made me feel worse. Using an analogy of cleaning out a cupboard full of old crap, when you start opening everything up and getting it out, you end up with a bigger mess. You have to keep going with it to make any improvement. I'm hoping this will help me. But at the moment I feel hopeless and powerless and I don't feel like looking after myself. Sorry for another negative post.