not the stone of Scone

It's three-seater sofa, bought some 18 months ago from a well-known UK retailer whose motto used to be "never knowingly undersold".   

There are three of us on it and one gets up; 'crack!!!!'   The frame has broken across the front.  

I manage to shove it back into place and put a screw in to hold it while we consider our options.  

We go back to the shop but they're not really interested - we have to phone another department based on a small moon orbiting one the lesser planets in the solar system, to arrange a visit for a man to come and look at it.  The phone goes silent for a while when Anniemay mentions that I put a screw in the frame, which turns out not to be made of wood as such, but particle board.  

The next day, with just two of us on it, it breaks again.  Now the only way we can watch TV in comfort is with a couple of bricks under it.

We're not really worried as the frame has a 15 year guarantee.  I just need to find my magnifying glass to read the small print.