Fine lines

I loved the way the sky, sea and sand looked like they were made of fine, gentle brush strokes today. I thought it made sense to stand behind the grass to add to that impression.

The sky had turned this gorgeous mellow colour in the distance - even though it was only lunchtime. It looks like the beginnings of a sunset on a beautiful day, but it was neither. It was dark, cold, grey and overcast where we were, and the wind was cruel. I think it was the people in South Wales across the water who were having the brighter weather.

Good things are happening though. On the path through the dunes the honeysuckle, elder and gorse have come back to life, and the magpies are chasing each other around in pairs.

Two days ago I'd had to email everyone who had taken part in the south west flash fiction anthology I'd organised last year for Nation Flash Fiction Day to say I wouldn't be doing it again this year. I still have a lot of physical getting better to do and some mental rearranging since the anxiety diagnosis, but I'm sad because I really intended to do it again. It's difficult to draw a line under something instead of going ahead with it. By today I'd had 25 really kind, thoughtful emails - some of which shared their own experiences, and so I spent some time replying to them all. It's lovely to be reminded how wonderful most people are.

I'm trying to learn to be less tough and less punishing on myself. It's difficult because I find myself assuming people are thinking I'm lazy or useless. But as Dr Seuss said: "Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter, and those who matter don't mind." It's a quote I've seen a lot and used before but I need to remind myself of it regularly.