Not The Lavender Oil Story

My Dear Loulou, Princess and Dear Fellows,

Honestly. You people are perverts. Today's picture is a HAIR STRAIGHTENER. And NOT what you were thinking.

However, it is a flash new Dyson one. I thought it looked like a piece of modern art. AND NOTHING ELSE. 

It was my gift to Caro for Christmas. Not that I chose it. She told me exactly what she wanted and I just showed the ladies in the shop the picture.

They got very excited. I was happy. When the ladies in the shop get excited, I know I've done something right.

Today, Loulou and Tiger came over and Loulou told me she has started blipping! She even told me she has read some of your entries but didn't comment because she was unsure of Blip etiquette. So do pop over to her page and introduce yourselves. 

However, now that Loulou reads my entries it added a bit of awkwardness to today's conversation. When we were chatting, Loulou noted that I was probably taking notes for my entry today. And I was told I couldn't tell "The Lavender Oil Story". 

"What WILL they think of us?" asked Loulou. She meant you people.

I am sure you will love them. I mean. Who are we to judge? Especially not me and the Princess.

To illustrate this point, I confessed to the group my love of Original Source Mint Body Wash. "Because it makes my willy tingle. It makes my willy happy," I said. And then told them that they have to read the online reviews of it, because stories of people setting their genitals ablaze and having to dip their willies in yoghurt are hilarious. 

"Never eat yoghurt at our house," added Caro.

Another of our favourite stories of today was Caro's tale of going on a prison visit. It sounded like a grim place where they still did "slopping out". So one of the members of the group was delighted to see something that looked like a piano, "Oooh, is this where they do singalongs in the evening??" he asked, excitedly. 

"No," sighed the prison guard. "That's not a piano. It's a stove." 

The Singalong Man was crestfallen. Show-tune rehabilitation should be a thing.

Caro's law and order story caused Loulou to confess that she wanted to be in the police when she was younger, purely because she wanted to be a police dog handler. But her mother put her off. 

"You'll get called to domestics and spit on!" her mother insisted. 

We all agreed that getting spit on was the worst thing in the world and definitely enough to put you off being a dog handler. 

Another big laugh this afternoon was when Loulou and Tiger discussed walking the El Camino. Apparently getting good accommodation was difficult and you really had to give it some thought and book ahead.

"We were booked into one hostel that was HUGE. Like the size of a big supermarket," said Loulou. "It freaked me out, being that close to Spanish men masturbating at night."

"Well, I assume," she added.

"And we got woken up really early by that bloke ringing a bell," complained Tiger. 

"It was a monastery," exclaimed Loulou. "He wasn't trying to wake you up, he was just being a monk."

"Oh yeah. I suppose so," said Tiger. "All the same, bloody keep it down would ya?"

As usual that's as much as I can remember from the fun chat, although there were moments when we were CRYING. I need to get myself one of those little dictaphone recorders for these conversations. 

Or maybe I won't NEED that anymore! Now there will be TWO of us, taking notes!

So be sure to say hello to Loulou. You'll love her and Tiger as much as I do, I'm sure.

S.