Goodbye my Dad

My Dad died in the early hours of Boxing Day. 
I received a call from my brother at half past six in the morning, I knew what he was going to say before I answered, the only reason he would ring that early would have been about my Dad. It was a short call, he was upset and I didn’t know what to say.
I cried when the call was over, then I cried again.
I was alone, but honey was a comfort, though I could tell she was uneasy at seeing me upset.
I’d not seen my Dad since mid October, not out of choice but because COVID was circulating at work and then early November I got it, so there was no way I could visit. In mid November my dad fell at home, he had to go to hospital, from that moment on nobody from family saw him again, he spent the last few weeks of his life in a care home, supposedly recuperating but he never really improved.
My Dad as been the one ever present in my life, no matter what happened I always had him  to turn to, he was like a beacon or lighthouse, always there to help when problems arose, that light as now gone out, I now feel lost, I knew that’s how I would feel if the worst ever happened.
The photo is from last Christmas, I’d taken him out for a Christmas meal, it wasn’t  Christmas Day but he still enjoyed the meal.
I think my mind is trying to protect me, part of me still expects to see him again, it’s like my mind is convincing me he’s still in the care home and one day I will see him back home again, I’m not in denial, I know he’s gone, but my mind is protecting me, for now, though I believe that won’t last and grief will overwhelm me.
My Dad loved honey and honey loved my dad, it breaks my heart that I won’t see them together again. It’s the little things that are getting to me at the moment, My Dad always called me Daz, when I called at his home I’d always say “hey up Dad” and he would say “hi daz, how are ya”, it’s thinking of silly things like that that brings tears to my eyes.
I will miss my dad more than anything in the world.