The Pointy Birds

My Dear Princess and Dear Fellows,

If you watched Steve Martin comedies in the 80's you will know that today's title refers to this poem:

The pointy birds,
O pointy, pointy,
Anoint my head,
Anointy-nointy

Which I have always liked. 

The reason I bring that up is because of something which happened earlier in the week, which I had forgotten to tell you about. 

So my weekday mornings go like this:

5:00 - Punky wakes me up for his breakfast; I have tea and toast with him
5:30 - Jasper arrives for his morning cuddle; and if I'm still having my tea and toast, too effing bad
6:00 - Punky starts pestering me to open the door, despite the fact it is still pitch black out there
6:30 - I open the back door; the lads go wild
7:00 - "It's too effing COLD out there!" say the lads; who come in and sit next to the fire, but continue to pop in and out of the opened door as I fart about on my laptop

And then my morning continues like that until about 9:30 when Caro gets up and I make her breakfast. 

It was about 9 the other morning and I was doing something on the laptop when I heard WHOOSH flap flap flap. 

I looked around, but there was nothing to be seen. 

I went back to my laptop. 

About ten minutes later, WHOOSH flap flap flap flap. 

This time I turned in time to see a BLACKBIRD flying out of the back door. Fortunately for him, there were no cats in the kitchen at the time. 

So this blackbird clearly enjoys cat food. And as the lads rarely finish their breakfast, he'd been hopping in and helping himself. 

Clever blackbird, you may say.

But.

On the THIRD occasion...

WHOOSH bonk bonk FLAP FLAP FLAP bonk bonk bonk FLAP FLAP FLAP FLAP FLAP FLAP FLAP FLAP FLAP

The blackbird had forgotten which was the back door and which was the living room window. He was flapping FRANTICALLY up and down and up and down the window.

I tried to calm him down, but this was not helped by the fact that the noise had alerted Punky.

PUNKY: OoooooOOOOOOO!! How exciting!
ME: Punky! Stay back! Punky! Back! 
BLACKBIRD: FLAP FLAP FLAP FLAP FLAP FLAP
ME: Caaaaalm down mister blackbird... it's all right....
PUNKY: Yaaaaaaay! Best toy ever!
ME: Back! Stay back!
BLACKBIRD: FLAP FLAP FLAP FLAP 
ME: Stay back Punky! But it's allllll riiiiiight Mister Blackbird.... But STAY BACK!

Long story short, the blackbird eventually went to the WRONG door (the closed one) and Punky got extra-excited but I opened the door and gave the blackbird a polite nudge and the blackbird...

SHIT ALL OVER THE PLACE, KNOCKED OVER ALL THE ORNAMENTS, SHED FEATHERS EVERYWHERE AND FINALLY EFFED THE EFF OFF

At which point, Caro emerged wondering why her breakfast was so noisy this morning.

And that is how I ended up hoovering feathers off the carpet and Windowlene-ing the doors and windows and getting out the anti-bacterial wipes because Mister Blackbird had done anointy-nointy all over the sideboard.

But that was yesterday. Eff all happened today. Mainly because I've started putting the boys' leftover breakfast bowls OUTSIDE. 

Enjoy, Mister Blackbird.

S.