Wobbled

My Dear Princess and Dear Fellows,

So there we were. Our usual lockdown routine. I'm up early (I'm still in the habit of waking up at 5am, thank you Punky) and on the couch and watching telly. Lately, I've been watching old episodes of Up Pompeii! because Frankie Howerd being RUDE is about all my sleepy brain can take in the morning.

Besides. I enjoy his particularly gossipy style of filth. It reminds me of listening to my nan. "Oooh, you wouldn't believe it would you? And at 'IS age too! You'd think it would have fallen off by now!"

That sort of thing.

But anyway, Jasper typically hangs around wanting cuddles, but as the sun comes up (around 7) he starts complaining to go outside. 

I usually let him go out, and the little fellow reclaims his territory while I feed the birds, and then retire back to the couch. 

But this morning - at about 8am - there was a low rumble. Like thunder, but it went on and on, like a gust of wind rushing through the trees or an articulated lorry parked right outside. And then - THE WOBBLES.

It feels a bit like turbulence, you know. It's not a nice feeling and there is that instant of panic. But then, just as you start to realise what it is, it increases in intensity and you wonder how much worse it is going to get and whether you should be doing something about it.

On this occasion it was one of the more intense ones I've felt* the whole room shook and even the telly wobbled from side to side. Jasper ran indoors and I wondered if I should get up and grab hold of me 65 incher**.

After the wobble subsided, I went upstairs to see Caro. 

"I've got a text from Loulou," Caro told me. "It just says, 'BLOODY HELL'." Meanwhile, Punky was sensibly hiding in the wardrobe. 

Apparently Loulou went on to say that she and her cat were under a desk because they are sensible and this is what the government recommends you do. There's nothing in the guidelines about trying to save the telly, although this must surely be a  mistake because telly.

Meanwhile, in the centre of government, Stardust Lil was being live interviewed at the time. If you've seen the video you'll see how coolly she handles the whole thing and gives us another reason to love her even more. 

I wanted to support the Greens in September but eff, it's going to be hard not to vote for her. She's so awesome and she didn't even MENTION the telly.

Anyway, we all survived the experience but it did make me and Caro discuss EMERGENCY MEASURES. We've decided that the cupboard under the stairs is now to be renamed the Command Centre and that this is the place we will retire with cats in the event of The Big One. I'm not entirely sure how safe that will be - especially if we get a tsunami - but at least we'll be in the place where we keep the tinned food and the toilet roll.

Priorities.

S.

* Just to be clear, I'm talking about an earthquake. You dirty devils. 

** The television. For goodness sake. Oooh, you're a mucky lot.***

*** Again. I've been watching Frankie Howerd.