Welcome home...

I knew today was going to be rough. But I had no idea how difficult it was all going to be. I mean I knew in my mind Kenny had passed away - but I don't think it hit me until today. Tara and Allen picked me up from the airport - as soon as I saw them both - tears just fell.

We drove straight to the funeral home for the showing. I get out of the truck and the first person I see is DJ (pictured top left). We lock eyes and he just comes over and hugs me. I knew he was a mess from what everyone has told me, but this was bad. He just cried and cried and tears would not stop falling. All I kept saying is that I just saw them in New Mexico - both helped me move out there.

You look at him and you feel the pain he must be going through. I mean I just want to hold him and take it all away. I can't even imagine. He was behind Kenny when the accident happened - he saw it all. DJ has not spoken much about that night - I'm sure he will never forget what he saw.

We made our way inside and I spot Kenny's brother out of the corner of my eye...he was with others, I didn't want to interrupt. I pull the door open and he is saying my name over and over and coming towards me. I don't think I have ever been hugged that hard in my life. Jess is a mess. He was crying and thanking me for coming back, for everything, for being there, for my friendship. He held on for a long time. He couldnt go back inside the funeral home, thats why he was outside.

Tara, Allen, and I walked in. Lots of faces. Kenny definitely was loved by all - he had quite a variety of friends. The three of us made our way to the casket and we broke down. We just sat there all hugging each other. That moment it hit me that this was all real. And oh did it ever hit me. Tara kept saying it's not Kenny, this is all a joke. Allen was crying. And I was in shock. The funeral home was debating if they should do an open or closed casket. He was pretty badly injured during the accident. They left it open - but the person in there was not Kenny, it did not look like him. They covered his face with makeup - his body was swelled up. I almost wish I didnt see him in that situation - thats not how I want to remember him. All of us pretty much felt that way. Should have been a closed casket.

The parents were doing well. I think both were in the planning phase...trying to take care of the arrangements - I'm sure it will hit them. It was nice to see so many of his friends around. My manager even showed up - that was very nice of him...along with a few coworkers. It was hard being in that room - pictures all over the place of Kenny - mostly of the ones I've taken of him. His mom provided baby pictures - nice to see that side of him. He was taken way too soon from us, way too soon.

My eyes kept focusing on DJ - the pain in his eyes is indescribable. Nobody should have to go through what he did. I kept running into him - he would just reach out and hug me - we all just took care and held each other. It was sinking in slowly.

Allen had a great idea...go to one of our favorite local bars and just enjoy and celebrate life! Everyone showed up - 30 or so people. We toasted, had drinks...just celebrated Kenny for who he really was. An amazing soul. Nobody will ever forget him. He was loved by many. What a great night. Kenny's brother Jess hasnt had a sip of alcohol in years or been to a bar, so it was funny seeing him there w/ his diet coke. Ran into some people who couldnt make it to the showing - because it was too hard, because thats not how they wanted to remember him.

Tomorrow is the actual funeral. Another difficult day. I'm glad to be among the peolple I cherish - it is making things easier on me. Sleep time...goodnight all.

Pictures:

Top left - DJ and I. Top right - friends. Lower left - Kenny's best friend, Allen, and Jess (Kenny's big brother). Lower right - Kenny's cousin, Tara, Allen, DJ, and Jess.