The IKEA branch of the NHS

4am: I wake from a bad dream where I look like Rob Lowe but am to be shot as a spy by Nazis. SO half good. I compose a haiku to calm myself down;

Winter. Our faces
Dull brown, wet, unwanted leaves
Await the next spring

5.00: I go back to sleep

7.15: woken up by our on call service at work to say the building was flooded and they needed to cut the power.

8.30: Coronavirus telephone conference

9.45: The Dizzle takes a hammer to the spare room and destroys half the shelving units. No it wasn’t an anger management problem, but part of planned changes. Although good fun.

10.45: TSM on another coronavirus teleconference

11.30: we finally get on the road.

11.45 Stop at the dump. Get rid of lots of old stuff. Buy two chairs for a tenner that TSM wants to upcycle. 

1.30pm: arrive at Reading IKEA. It is heaving with over-excited children and surly looking teenagers. Half term is a bummer.

2pm; TSM has to take another call about business continuity due to our flooded premises. Fortunately IKEA have plenty of comfy sofas.

4pm: We get home with a car full of stuff,  much poorer than when we started the day, and starving hungry. I have vegan haggis with chips and peas. Lovely.

5.30pm: TSM falls asleep over Jack Ryan. It’s been a busy day. I tidy up and get rid of the IKEA packaging.

Good to have Strider back from Scotland. Iceland. The North Pole. Whatever.

I’m too old for all this...