Beef Wellington Two Ways*

My friend Beth and I often used to joke about Beef Wellington. Both of us lived in Britain. Neither of us ever made Beef Wellington. But its fame (or infamy) preceded it. It was expensive. We would have to go see our bank manager to release the funds for the ingredients. It was time consuming and difficult to make. In fact, the only time I ever tasted it was in a restaurant.

Will came by he other day, and I mentioned to him that Beef Wellington was among the contenders for Christmas Eve dinner. His response was so enthusiastic that I decided to give it a try. How hard could it be?

First, I found a video of Gordon Ramsay making it. He virtually dances around the kitchen. He sears, spreads, rolls and bakes. He announces at one point that he would elect to have it for his last supper. At the end of seven minutes he produces a perfect dish which he slices with  a flourish. Really, how hard can it be? I've been cooking for over fifty years and I know a thing or two.

The ingredients were expensive, but not as expensive as crab which is our traditional Christmas Eve dinner (only they keep delaying crab season to give the whales a chance...or something). Having looked at the video one more time and thought through the process in an organized step-by-step fashion, I began...

Ooops, it's supposed to have chestnuts in it. I dispatched John to the store for some chestnuts which I hoped would disguise the taste of mushrooms which Will apparently didn't know were in Beef Wellington. 

Gordon's tenderloin was one perfectly shaped log of something 'that comes from underneath the animal where there isn't much muscle, which is why it's so tender'. My knowledge of anatomy is pretty good, and I believe it is muscle that makes up the best cuts of meat. And where did he get one which fit so perfectly into his searing hot pan?

My tongs, just like the ones Gordon so effortlessly used to 'sear, not cook' the meat, wouldn't open. When I finally unstuck them they wouldn't even fit around my somewhat lumpy and uneven roast made by the excellent butchers at Oliver's by tying two tenderloins together. Eventually I lowered  plopped it into the pan, sending a wave of smoking hot olive oil cascading to the floor...slippery hot olive oil. It took a little longer than the 15 seconds Gordon spent to sear the meat, as I had to stop to wipe the floor.

Spreading the duxelles (chopped mushrooms) I realized I didn't have enough mushrooms...wait, wasn't I supposed to put prosciutto on before the mushrooms? Did we buy any prosciutto? Back went to John to the store for more mushrooms and prosciutto.

Rolling the cling wrap spread with prosciutto and duxelles around the roast is what is supposed to helps shape it. 'Push and roll. Push and roll', says Gordon. But Gordon has cling wrap that is exactly the right size and shape. How do you get it around the roast without embedding it in the other layers spread upon it?

Eventually  I succeeded in making a reasonably even package, but those damn mushrooms kept leaking out the end. 'Just twist the ends' says Gordon, effortlessly doing just that, 'so that you have a ice tight package' He must have industrial strength cling wrap. Mine tore before it was tight, and wasn't wide enough to twist anything. 'Now pop it into the fridge to firm up'. Sixteen pieces of cling wrap, and two hours later,  I put my package into the fridge so it could 'rest' overnight.

No rest for me though. I still had to  mop the floor, fix the tongs that wouldn't open, clean the oil spattered stove, add cling wrap to tomorrow's shopping list, and pray that the pastry will fit seamlessly around the rested roast as Gordon's did. I think I'll skip the part about scoring the pastry with a knife 'giving it a little twist at the end...'

There's a two minute YouTube version which I just watched to see how I did. 'Brush the meat with English mustard. You're not going to use Dijon are you?' 
Ooops...

*This has nothing to do with the picture of the little goldfinch I watched happily bathing in the fountain outside the kitchen window as I toiled away....I could have taken a picture of the 'preparations' for Mono Monday, but it wasn't a pretty picture....