Pain Management regime - trial 1

I went to see my GP today. What a relief.

I feel sorry for her because I know that she has been frustrated about the length of time that it has taken to get to here. This time last year, she was about to refer me but was then told not to, but to try me on hormones first - part of a peer review process apparently. This resulted in a 4 month delay to even being referred and 8 weeks of horrible physical and emotional issues as a result of the hormones. I know she was upset that she had to delay me, but the surgery's policy is to try all other means before referral.

Anyway, since then, and since her initial referral which ended up being disastrous (not her fault by any stretch of the imagination), she has accommodated me and supported me - I have sometimes found it difficult to physically get to see her, but she has spoken with me and she has accommodated my second opinion referral which is what has finally got me to near the end ...or at least it being in sight.

So, she gave me an extended appointment this afternoon and we discussed the first batch of surgery and what is now coming. I had rehearsed everything I needed to tell her in terms of my inability to manage my pain and the impact that it has been having on my sleep patterns and, essentially, my ability to function normally. As she listened, advised and reassured, something finally snapped and everything that I have internalised for the last few weeks and months just flooded out. I wept like a good'un, then felt UTTERLY mortified that I could lose control like that. Ha, always worried about what other people think of me.

Anyway, we discussed pain management and now have a trial programme in place to see if it helps over the next 7 days. If it does, then hopefully I can get to the end of term and do what I want to do for my students at work. If it doesn't, I make another appointment and we tinker around with it. The downside if it doesn't work, apart from still being in pain, will be that i will be onto heavier duty painkillers which would then mean I would not be fit to drive. Right now, on 1 of the tablets she has prescribed, I am borderline drunk - I am struggling to focus.

This is my first set of instructions - i am posting them here simply because they will get rubbed off the board at some point and I need the reminders.

She questioned my fitness for work right now, but I told her I was going into work. However, I have essentially promised that if it doesn't work out on this current regime then I will have to accept that I may have to stop work until I am fixed. She also then told me that she will not be signing me 'fit for work' after the surgery until I am 100% ready and that I wasn't to get any daft ideas in my head about going back too soon.

So, to all of you who worry that I will make stupid decisions - left to my own devices, I probably would. However, under the care of my GP, I am not going to be able to under any circumstances, so that's one less thing for you all to worry about.

On that note, I am now to take my codeine and head to bed. I think I will definitely sleep tonight but suspect I will be fuzzy headed in the morning - more so than usual before my colleagues say "what's the difference?".

Night night.