Trans Day of Remembrance

Today was the International Trans Day of Remembrance, and I was asked to be the Buddhist presence at the memorial service at the Unitarian Church for 331 Trans people killed in the past year. Their names were read aloud during the service, and we lit one candle for each of them. The last few days have been intense: time with one of Sue's sisters and one of her brothers, the all-day workshop with Rev. angel yesterday, this event today. Between those events, phone calls, texts, and various messages from people I love, some of whom are in great distress. 

I'm going to paste in the words of my presentation at today's remembrance, a way of keeping a record for myself. 

I am a 74-year-old Queer person, and I acknowledge my privilege. I have been allowed to grow old. Trans women of color in the USA have a life expectancy of 35. Violence is inflicted on trans people through beatings and murder, and through bullying, dominance, the oppression of conformity; such severe violence that many take their own lives. The lives of trans people are critically endangered. Hold that fact in loving awareness, even as we grieve the lives of trans people we have lost. In the Buddhist traditions I know best, we investigate ideas and feelings by turning toward them with attention and curiosity. We call that meditation. It takes courage to look at the truth within us. I invite you to meditate with me. 

It’s OK to close your eyes or leave them open, to close your mouth or leave it slightly open. Breathe deeply, relax as much as you can, and feel the presence of your body in space. Be aware of the points of contact between your body and what it rests on. Feel your hands, your feet, your eyes, your jaw. Breathe in with me, and know you are breathing in. Breathe out, and know you are breathing out. Allow your body to be soft. Be aware of your body beneath your clothes: your tender, imperfect body, your body with all its stories, scars and memories, exactly as it is.

This soft, imperfect body is born curious. Because of gender stereotypes, every one of us is limited from exploring the full range of possibility we were born with. Parts of us are shut down, denied. You had to learn that gender matters, and that your gender determines what you are allowed to do. Girls can’t…. Boys can’t…. You can’t….  Remember hearing that. As I say those words, notice what happens in your body. 

You may feel constriction in your abdomen, your jaw, your neck. If you feel constriction, turn toward it and witness it with compassion. Self-compassion is the ability to bathe yourself in kindness, so that whatever is constricted is seen, held, and loved. Compassion is one of the foundations of Buddhist practice.

Our soft bodies are vulnerable. We are subjected to ideas about gender that limit and harm us. Some of us are horribly harmed, even killed or led to kill ourselves, because of our culture’s rigidity about gender. Allow grief. We can turn to ourselves and to each other for comfort. We need each other. Breathe into that need. Ours is the work of being who we are meant to be, seeing and appreciating everyone, wherever we are on the gender spectrum. We can make space on the earth for understanding, for kindness toward ourselves, kindness toward others. Make that space right now, right here, to the best of your capacity. 

If you have closed your eyes, open them now, and look at your hands. Still aware of your body, widen your gaze. Look gently, with kindness, at the vulnerability in this room. What harms one of us, harms all of us. We embody the full spectrum of gender and its possibilities. We can celebrate that. Seeing our varieties of expression, we can become larger, more courageous, connected. Ending this meditation, we see that we are connected. Our lives are interwoven. We need all our ways of being, and we need the kindness we create and the kindness we receive.