Paraíso

Paradise.

Yesterday we’d avoided a stoned boat driver who was trying to sign us up to a tour whilst his mate tried to disturb his patter by imitating someone performing fellatio next to his head. It didn’t leave the greatest impression of professionalism. Instead we wound up getting advice from a Uruguayan tour booker called Lola. Midweek and with patchy weather the island is much quieter so through some convoluted sales techniques we weren’t able to do the optimum-sounding boat tour and were reserved on a 45-seater (not pictured) trip around the Ilhas Paradisíacas (literally ‘Paradisiacal Islands’). It was in reality likely not hot enough to be doing such a trip, except the stop we made at a beach strangely called Dentista (Dentist). The rough weather made the swell challenging and the waves created a treacherous disembarkation exercise to avoid being sliced on the propeller. Perhaps the beach’s name comes from the fact that sightseers have been swallowed by the jaws of the sea when attempting to disembark from their boat.

Some moments of the day did feel paradisiacal, such as the stunning forested island backdrops and the swimming with fish shoals in water that felt warmer than the outside air. Less paradisiacal were the trembling on emergence from the water and the fellow voyagers who, in order to get a selfie of ‘flourishing sea life’, threw crackers into the water to create a feeding frenzy. This area is protected so giving low nutrition carbohydrates to marine life is prohibited.

On the return to the main village, shivering after the last swim, the captain aimed to create the roughest wake possible so that his mate on a speedboat behind would have to tackle the waves. What fun. It meant 45 passengers were flung around and soaked, eternally grateful when Vila do Abraão hove into view.

In the evening we succumbed to a restaurant’s discount offer of chicken parmeggiana which was disappointingly lukewarm even after we requested to have it heated up more. Eating suspicious chicken makes it hard to relax. The accompanying caipirinha was the highlight, and a must when in Brazil.