The Dignity of the Chunky Knitter

My Dear Princess & Dear Fellows,

I did not take today's blip. It comes courtesy of Lemon, and is from her Chunky Knitting class.

As you can see, she is Chunky Knitting a blanket, with her Chunky Knitting Needles and a big Chunky Ball of Chunky Wool.

"It was SO embarrassing," she told me. "The class was held in the display window of a shop, so passers-by were watching us the whole time. People were banging on the glass and waving."

One lady was so fascinated, she even parked her car on the pavement outside so she could watch the proceedings without getting out of the driver's seat.

Lemon did the whole "mime-talking" thing through the glass.

"YOU - ARE - PARKED - ON - THEEEE - PAVE-MENT," she mouthed, pointing downward to indicate the pavement that the lady was parked on.

"I - KNOW - I - AM - PARKED - ON - THEEEEE - PAVE-MENT," replied the lady in the same manner. "IT - IS - SO - I CAN - SEEEEE - YOU - BETTERRRR."

The lady mimed looking through binoculars to make her point. Lemon gave up.

Still, it seemed like Lemon enjoyed the other aspects of the class. But walking back to her car, not so much. "I had to walk through crowds, holding my one metre long knitting needles," she explained. "People were taking the piss the whole way, shrieking at me and begging me not to knit them to death."

She was also unimpressed by her partner. She tried to continue to Chunky Knit later that evening but her partner made an observation she wasn't very happy with.

"Can you do that with your legs CLOSED?" he asked.

(Which is remarkably delicate, considering they've had four children together, but however.)

"YOU effing try to chunky knit with your legs together!!" she challenged him. So he attempted it and, sure enough, his legs were open after five minutes. Apparently, leaning the needles on your legs is the only way you can maintain holding their weight for long.

So it appears Chunky Knitting strips the Chunky Knitter of all dignity. A subject of curiosity for passers-by, mocked by the masses, and leaving you with your legs wide open.

Still, you might get a decent rug out of it. Or the world's biggest scarf.

S.