Welcome To The Lift

My Dear Fellows & Dear Princess,

Today Lemon was telling me about the time she worked with a bunch of Trinidadian IT people, here in New Zealand.

They had been sent over by the Trinidad & Tobago government, to work on some joint IT venture between them and the NZ government. 

"They were given a special clothing allowance," Lemon told me. "This is because they would find the NZ climate so harsh compared to Trinidad."

The point was somewhat missed by a glamorous lady named Gillian. "She really did sashay around the office," said Lemon. "They all did."

Lemon thinks there's some cultural difference between Trinidadians and the rest of the world. "They all have this swagger, this bounce. And Gillian would sway around the office in tight clothes and very short skirts."

Lemon did a mime of a woman swinging her bottom to and fro and made a "bum-ba-ba-DUM-ba-ba-DUM" noise.

Gillian's NZ manager was somewhat unsurprised then, to find she had used part of her clothing allowance to buy a tiny G-string. "THAT'S not going to keep you very warm," the manager spluttered.

"Ah, but eet was just a pretty little ting," explained Gillian. "Covered in sequins, ya know. Ah go on, pay for eet."

(Lemon's Trinidadian accent seemed pretty good to me. Although I wouldn't really know).

Gillian managed to persuade her manager, but found the Kiwis generally repressed and stand-offish. "What is the deal in the lift?" she asked Lemon. "What ARE ya all lookin' at?" 

Lemon explained that one does NOT make eye contact in a lift. It's not done.

"Don't be STUPID man," said Gillian. She always made a point of welcoming everyone into her lift. "Hallo! Good to see ya! How are ya all doin'?"

The Kiwis would stutter hellos and then attempt to hide from her in their respective corners of the lift. This lady was breaching THE RULES OF THE LIFT.

She would send them off to their floors too. "You have a GREAT day, Sixth Floor!" she would call behind them. "I'll see ya again the lobby tomorrow!"

I'm not sure how I would feel about this initially, but I think I would warm to it over time. I feel all three of you should institute this new lift-etiquette in your offices. Think how popular you will be! And if that doesn't work, just flash them your sequinned G-string.

S.