Coq au Tan....

GEMINI: In March, Donald Trump phones and asks you to be his new press secretary (he's hired and fired most US citizens, so now he's moving on to the Brits.)

You tell him that you can't read, write, or speak in words of more than two syllables. You say you have dubious morals, a criminal record, and a family of lunatics who do nothing but sit around in their underpants, eating Pot Noodles and singing rude songs in Gaelic.

Good try....but not only does he immediately hire you, he also dumps Melania, and makes you the 4th Mrs Trump. 

(Telling him you're actually a scaffolder called Algernon fails to put him off. But again, good try!) 



Lucky animal: Alan Price

Lucky jumper: Red Rum