On the Horrorizon.....

As some of you know, I'm Blip's official astrologer (when I'm not being almost a doctor.) Over the next few days, I'll be revealing your futures, in (as they like to say on Strictly) no particular order! Basically because I haven't a clue what the correct order actually is...


LIBRA: In July, a mysterious note, scrawled by an unknown hand, is pushed through your door. On the front, it says.....

"KGB came for you, but you were out.
You owe us.
Putin......"

You immediately flee to Wales, undergo gender reassignment and start calling yourself Marjorie.

Shame you hadn't read the other side of the note. It continued;

"...the garage for safety."

If only you'd remembered that you'd ordered a Kentucky Grilled Burger from the local takeaway....

Lucky number: A local anaesthetic.

Lucky hat: Trick.