Wassail

I joined some of my friends for a walk along the river  as they headed to the wassail at Cotehele. Dogs not allowed so I planned to leave them as they turned up the path. Oh dear I felt dreadful, but I managed to walk past the two other pathways up into the woods and away from them until we came to the part they turned up! Once it was just oscar and me I felt much better. Bumped into The Weaver and his wife The Artist in the woods and had a most pleasant and supportive chat with them and an invite in the new year. He used to be a Dr and his wife had depression after the birth of her daughter and was so bad she was hospitalised. As I got to this point in the woods I heard the sounds of the wassail - the banging of drums, blowing of trumpets and roar of people to frighten away the evil spirits! I feel so lucky to live in such a place with these beautiful woods and old traditions still being carried out. 
Come early eve, after a bout of house cleaning for sisters arrival and the wrapping of presents, I headed to Party Girls to deliver hers. Unfortunatly although I could see her in the kitchen her door was locked and she couldn't hear me knocking! I threw things up at the kitchen window and flashed my headlight torch at her to no avail! I finally messaged her " Let me in!" and saw her rush out of the kitchen to the door! She had locked it as the tortoise was roaming around in the conservatory! I managed to stay for about 15 minutes.
A pat on my back for coping with two social events without running away and going into a panic even though the physical symptoms of distress were keen! Come the eve I did a 25 minute guided relaxation session! Having Oscar has made this and meditation difficult to do - sometimes he is fine if I go upstairs to my meditation room, but if he is not happy my session is disturbed so I've got out of the habit! I also think I've been so intent on doing things to divert my attention away from how I've been feeling, that I have just let it slide. But I really need to get back to it as I'm not getting any better. Having sister here will help get me back in the habit as oscar will be happy downstairs with her! 
I've included the ghostly lights as this time of year is full of memories of Christmases past with loved ones now gone. Sister and I will enjoy ourselves but beneath the surface is great sorrow.