You were my rose for a Rose.

I decided I would leave her a message despite how much she despises me, I felt she should know. So I rang her, and I left this message -

The saddest thing, is that really, I don't want you to hurt the way I did, because nobody in the world deserves the gut wrenching tears that drool from exhausted eyes, who's legs bunch up in front of them with their bleeding arms clutching them tirelessly.

I know that the words I've been spluttering to you are ones that you will read on that little screen, and an anchor will fall down your throat and lodge in your stomach and you'll stop for a second, to muster a nasty reply to repel that feeling back on me.

The thing is, the reason I am nasty, to the point where I shake with anger and I scream and I shout, is because what else is there, girl. I gave you everything I ever had, the love in my heart I ripped from it's safe keeping, and I handed you it from a confident and yet terrified open palm.

I'll refuse to hear your acclamation of the love you said you had, even though despite my straining ignorance, my ears hear it, and they recognize your sadness, they recognize the way you make my head and heart a little calmer even when the discomfort is sourced from you yourself. I don't so much mind that you hurt me, I am just so terrified of the pain of losing you forever, allowing us to become strangers, and to walk in opposite directions, into the unknown.

It was you that made me so wonderfully happy, gave me the confidence to shine brighter than anything I ever really knew, and to feel things I didn't know I could ever feel. You destroyed my hope and you destroyed my faith, but you destroyed my old aches and pains, and brought to me, kisses that threw my feet from the earth and my heart from it's stupidly tight chains. You free'd the girl in me that I didn't know existed. I didn't know I could love, the way you allowed me to.

We are two of a kind, a kind that no one will know but us. I know that you will go away to uni and you will hit the stage and perform to people who'll stand in awe the way I did. I am not so afraid of the future now, keep your hair long, i'll always remember you that way, you are beautiful.

I will be nasty, and I will say horrible things, and seconds later i'll regret them, but desperation is the reason I say the things that hurt, and I want you to know that no matter what, you changed me, and you loved me, I know. So thankyou