When I'm feeling Blue,

This "Waiters Friend" is 30 years old.  

How the hell can it be 30 years old.   

When I was told to buy it, I had no flipping idea what a Waiters Friend was.  

I thought fleetingly that it might be the apron some bar staff wear, but no- it was this. 

I have no idea how I landed that job - managing a 200 seat restaurant and 200 ft long bar. 

- There were 6 of us, reduced to 5 after the first day.  A very public firing Just to keep us all on our toes. 

They said "Get a waiters friend - you have to have one".    

I was no stranger to bars, christ, I drank my way through university
but i was always on the other side of the bar.  I hadn't even poured a pint. 

I had served wine.   - badly.  French Wine list - the pratts who came in always pronounced them in poor French, and I'd have to guess. I soon realised that acting dumb was the only way to get things done.  "Tell me what number that wine is, i can't read French".  

I hit people with Champagne corks, broke corks on bottles - and i usually dropped Pavlova as I tried to graciously serve it from the dessert tray. (it was a very Poash Restaurant. 

But that bar.  I Got my hands on that waiters friend, and soon I was able to flick bottle caps off in a second - I could position my screw in a cork and wheek it out without spilling a drop or crumbling the cork.  And I could pour a pint whilst singing happy birthday or greased lightning  to any number of guests

The knife came in handy too -  as the errant taxi driver found out who tried to take me home the wrong way. 

I didn't use it.... the threat of it was enough to get him to get me back home without further incident.