The Way, Way Backblip

My Dear Fellows & Dear Princess,

Last night I had another fun chat with the Princess, made more fun by the appearance of EMP in the background. I suggested I should shout inappropriate things like "Willy!" and "Arsehole!" to the Princess, in the hopes of embarrassing her.

"He's threatening to say things like willy and arsehole," I heard the Princess report. Then a muffled response.

"She asks if you are describing me," said the Princess.

A round of applause, if you please, for EMP. Well played.

But I also heard via relayed conversation that EMP is displeased with Blippers who usually post pictures of animals, but then STOP. Apparently one person who regularly posted kitty pictures, has now started posting pictures of cups of tea and SNP conferences!

UNACCEPTABLE

So I thought I would try to make up for this today by taking cute pictures of Punky and Jasper. In fact, I even went so far as to go to the pet shop and bought them NEW TOYS. I thought they would play with them and be all cute and I would be like the kitty David Bailey. 

Cats being cats, my plans went awry immediately. Punky eyed his catnip mousie with suspicion and refused to touch it. Jasper did play with his new duck but REFUSED TO LOOK AT DADDY. No matter how many times I waved at him or called to him or shouted, "Jasper! Look at meeeeee! Jasperrrrrrr!!"

They are useless. Boys, you were both adopted. There, I've said it.

So here we are then. Plan B. If the cats weren't going to comply today I decided to look out some old pictures for EMP. 

Here, you can see what Jasper looked like as a kitten, with ears too big for his head and paws too big for his body. Awwwww. He was such a little bastard. And never grew out of it. But we loved him then and we love him now.

Unfortunately we do not have any kitten pictures of Punky. But I've attached an old picture of him, and of all our previous cats in the extras. There's one of Punky, the day he discovered Cazza had bought a heated cushion; there's one of Figgy, our big black cat and the bestest kitty in the world ever. I've also included one of Figgy photobombing Tiggy, which makes me laugh because she looks so pissed off about it. And then there's one of Tiggy cuddling up because she loved me. 

Finally, there are two from our old lady cats, Kitty and Lucky. Kitty was a total alleycat who would STEAL from your plate and take it back to her lair. Lucky was this bossy old lady cat who realised I was in the habit of going to bed at around 11pm. Consequently, she started stalking down the hallway every night at around that time until she got to the bedroom. 

Then she would sit outside the door and RASP at me with her Bette Davis meow:

"MRAAAAH!!" she would say. As if she smoked five packets a day. "MRAH! MEOWFF!!"

And this meant I had to go to my bed. Once I complied, she would hop on my chest and PURR in my face for 10 minutes. Then she would eff off back to the living room and STAY UP LATE WATCHING TELLY WITH CAZZA.

"You do know that cat has got in the habit of putting you to bed every night, don't you?" Cazza asked me.

I admitted that I did. But that I am used to being bossed about by women, and I didn't see why it should be any different just because this lady was a cat.

So there you have it, EMP. Tomorrow I will be posting a picture of Nicola Sturgeon dunking her biscuits in a cup of Ty-Phoo. But for today at least, you get to have a cuteness overload.

S.