What’s on the menu?

So The Dizzle and I were sitting in the local tonight and the barman gets carried away with the duster, so they have to re-write the specials board. It falls to a young woman of average height to climb on a chair with a piece of chalk to do the writing. I know she was of average height because she said she had googled it earlier in the day and claimed that being of average height made it a health and safety issue as she shouldn’t have to stand on a chair. The barman meanwhile said he was six feet tall which I said would make me at least seven foot six.

"He always says that but he isn’t’ she said. Meanwhile Dave the Regular came in and she said "ooh Dave you’ve had your hair cut" and then another barmaid came out and said "ooh Dave you’ve had your hair cut" and then Dave’s mate came in and said "ooh Dave you’ve had you hair cut" by which time Dave was getting a bit grumpy.

"Anyway" said the barmaid "you get smaller as you get older. I’ll be a dwarf by the time I’m ninety. And you get shorter as the day goes on". I said that I was bucking the trend and getting taller as I got older which The Dizzle agreed with but she looked sceptical.

There was then a long discussion about what to write on the specials board. Dave said the salmon should be pan grilled. The barman said that didn’t sound right so they phoned down to the kitchen and the barman accidentally said lamb instead of salmon so they ended up writing roast salmon which I said was wrong, so they phoned the kitchen again and decided it was pan fried after all. Then the manager came out and said "ooh Dave you had a haircut" by which time the excitement was all too much for us so we came home.

I had a good day. I like my non working Mondays. I read, put clothes away, did a photoshopped picture of Theresa May as a headless chicken sea monster, had coffee with Mr Bear, went to the dump, varnished the garage door, did some shopping, dejunked my workshop, and even managed a lunchtime snooze. In the evening I made a spicy bean soup and garlic bread.

Good day.